of drawing, college courses, and the nearing of summer

Listening to: Swan Song by Franz Schubert

Quote love: "Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather." -John Ruskin

You know what? I have nothing to do. Well, I have things to do (like the dishes), but I have nothing to study for. No deadlines. No speeches or essays to write. No projects. No reason to pull an all-nighter to study. Nothing. Summer break is here. I can't get over how that feels. I got used to the voice in the back of my mind: You need to study more; you need to write that speech; you'll never catch up, you're too far behind; how much time do you have left? have you turned in that paper yet? Now summer's here. Quiet. It's like I was spinning on a swing, jumped off, and now I can't get used to the fact that I'm not spinning anymore. Have you ever felt that way?

I've started doodling, hence the first picture. Supposedly it's a kind of therapy (it is kind of calming), but it's mostly just plain fun.

My church is continuing to have the satellite college course by Faith Bible Institute through the summer. Scientific and Biblical Creationism Elective. *screams* I seriously can't wait for that to start. If I remember correctly, fourteen people (including my family and me) are taking it. *sighs happily* God is so amazing!

What about you? What plans do you have for your summer?

xoxox,

Suzanne

dreaming of something dandelion-ish.

Listening to: the wind whispering, floorboards creaking, inaudible music, and voices murmuring from the kitchen
Quote love: "Black are the brooding clouds and troubled the deep waters, when the Sea of Thought, first heaving from a calm, gives up its Dead." -Charles Dickens

The sky is grey outside my bedroom window, and it looks like it might rain.
I can hear the wind. Wouldn't it be neat if the wind was caused by time passing by? Don't look at me funny, I know it's not, but it's something unusual to ponder, right? But you know what I want to do right this moment? Get lost. Sit in the passenger seat of a truck with the windows down, traveling down a tiny country road with the smell of rain riding the wind.

To pass by fields of corn, chasing the miles so far away. The brooding horizon would flicker with the occasional lightning, and I'd lean out the window of the moving vehicle (coming very close to falling) to take a picture of the rustling stalks of corn, murmuring leaves, seething sky, and the beauty El Shaddai has created. Maybe if we got lost enough, we'd come across some dandelions.

That's what I want to do. To laugh so hard I think I might fall, but I don't. To wear a white sundress, but no makeup. To be sitting in the truck with a can of Dr. Pepper, a half-eaten bag of chips, my camera, and the winding road before us. There doesn't need to be conversation. I think times are just as fun without conversation as they are with it.

It would be so windy. If the wind actually was caused by time passing, then time would be flying by. Of course it would, because we'd be having a good time. Time always flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?

And maybe we'll end up at the beach. :)

xoxo,

Suzanne

My sixteenth year

Listening to: I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe

Quote love: "If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn and send me away with the words of a love song."

I'm seventeen. As of May 4th.

For some reason it seems that years fly by, and I'm left standing at the end of it with a puzzled expression; but this year was such a long year. And for some other reason people assume that if a year is long, it must have been monotonous and boring.

No. Quite the contrary, I might add.

What did I do in my sweetest sixteenth year?

I laughed so hard I gave myself an asthma attack.

I made some amazing, wonderful friends.

I met a sweet friend of mine at the library and got to tell her "I love you," for the last time, two days before the Lord let her go home.

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and cried harder than I've ever cried before, understanding for the first time what it means for your heart to ache. If you spend your whole life knowing someone, loving them, giving them a part of your life and heart, then when they die it feels like the piece of your heart you gave to them died when they did.

"Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us..." Psalm 62:8

I read. Quite often. I gained an obsession with J.R.R. Tolkien and Ted Dekker's books (again), which I read through the summer. I also read much of the work of Edgar Allan Poe, who penned Annabel Lee.

Anna and I went to the swings at 10:00 at night. I swung so high I felt as if I could let go and be sitting among the stars. That's the place to be, you know.

My best friend and I went on a walk. In the evening sun which filtered through the towering trees, we line danced. Yes. We line danced with two people, 'cause we are just that amazing. As we trampled through the grass and burrs, I watched the sunlight shift on the ground. Have you ever noticed that sunlight, when seen on the ground from beneath trees, looks a lot like lace? I love that.

I passed out for the first time.

My drama group (Artistic Drama Development) rocked our performances of Mission: Possible. Yours truly played U (like a code name), my cousin played N, and my other cousin played James Blond. The entire process consisted of glasses with radio transmitters, drawing dragon scales on my script, stuffing our faces with candy backstage, vain attempts to be taught how to get dipped in a waltz (also backstage), several guns and other glorious weapons of mass destruction, wearing three layers of clothes, and the happiness of finding my parents and grandmother in the audience. Heh. Run-on sentence?

Went for a walk with seven or eight people and played sardines in the woods. We got eaten by a rose hedge, got tangled in poison sumac (or poison oak...or poison ivy...it was just poisonous), watched someone get slammed in the back with a soggy tennis ball, and watched a fairly violent game of basketball from under a tree. Good times.

I opened the door of the dressing room at Drama and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun*. That's definitely a first.

I looked out my window just now and noticed a wonderfully indescribable sunset. I love sunsets. If the colours of sunsets described something, I think they would make an attempt to describe how strong and beautiful our God is.

This was such a long year. But it wasn't horrible, sad, or boring. It was wonderful. If I were to mention all the memorable events (fortunate and unfortunate), this post would be much, much longer. I hope all my coming years are as lengthy as this one was, because maybe then I'll remember to enjoy them as much as I did this one. This present time passes so fast, and it doesn't bother to wave goodbye. I want to remember to praise the Lord's name, even when things aren't going the way I think they should, and enjoy the time He gave me. I'm looking forward to my seventeenth year.

xoxoxo, 

Suzanne

*Airsoft gun which was a prop for said play.