brimming with blue.

Listening to: Carrying Your Love With Me by George Strait

Lyric love: Some dreams stay with you forever, 

drag you around and bring you back to where you were. 

Some dreams keep on getting better, 

gotta keep believing if you wanna know for sure. {Even If It Breaks Your Heart by Eli Young Band}

Quote love: "Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." -Atticus Finch {To Kill a Mockingbird}

Have you ever noticed that time covers things up? It's slow sometimes, but it does; like a rug pulled over a scrape on the new hardwood floor.

This afternoon, my dad and I were waiting in a parking lot facing the highway. An empty lot was laid out across the road, with weeds spiraling up from the ground like miniature fireworks. The sun and wind curled around the occasional cactus, waving the tall grass.

It had never been used, it seemed like. I was staring at it, zoned out in admiration of how an empty lot could still seem nice in that sunny, small town kind of way.

"You know there used to be a restaurant in that lot over there?"

Um, no...

"Yeah, it closed down years ago, when you were little."

It just made me think about how landmarks can die. I mean, I didn't know that there was a building there until someone mentioned it. And after a while, people will stop talking about it, and the kids will never hear about it. And some generations later, a scant few will know about the tiny building that sold fried chicken.

The business went south, the building was demolished. And the grass grew back, cactus prickled and grew, and the cars kept rolling by.

But there's a Dairy Queen next door, so it all evens out.

Oh, yeah. You need to listen to them. ^

I love their music. It has this raw, tragic sentiment that puts one in the mind of wood-framed houses, open windows, old riddles, and summer in the late 1800s. Nostalgia, I suppose. I listened to their music on repeat until my mind was crowded with inspiration. It was weird. I ended up drawing, which finished pretty well.

Gnarled oak trees with swings,
gravel roads,
aged fences,
a winding muddy river
&
sweltering afternoons.

Kindly ignore the grainy-ness...

I looked outside earlier and saw a sunset. There were clouds brimming with blue riding the southern wind, and they moved toward the old sun as if to tuck it in as it slept. I saw it through the window, and I walked calmly ran through the yard to the road.

Because even though it's millions of miles away, knowing you're a little bit closer makes you feel like you've got just a mile to go.

I was taking pictures with my phone but the lighting wasn't right*. So I resorted to snapping pictures of the fence post I was leaning against. I watched it until a cloud covered it momentarily. The rays sent the very last sparks into the eventide, like all the last words one would say in a voicemail if their plane fell from the sky. When the distant oaks growing on the horizon looked like they were on fire, and only a tiny speck of the sun was still here, I walked back home to the company of the bulldog.

 -Jessie Suzanne


*It's a distressing moment when you remember your camera's batteries are dead. Extraordinarily distressing.

i heard that your dreams came true.

Listening to: Someone Like You by Adele (new favorite song. I like love her voice...)
Lyric love: Old friend, why are you so shy?
                  Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
                  I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited,
                  But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
                  I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
                  That for me, it isn't over.

I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now;
I heard that your dreams came true.

<3
Jessie Suzanne

and then silence.

Listening to: Longer by Dan Fogelberg

Lyric love: "Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean

                  Higher than any bird ever flew

                  Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens

                  I've been in love with you

                  Stronger than any mountain cathedral

                  Truer than any tree ever grew

                  Deeper than any forest primeval

                  I am in love with you."

Fuchsia. Red. Crimson. Burgundy. And then silence.
The crowds applauded then, a thunder, and then a fragile noise that crackled on and on. Faint whistles sounded and circled around me. The lights shone, smeared and bright and floating, broken reflections on the floor. The stage was mine. I could stay this way forever, I could. I shifted on the chair, rubbed my shoes on the wooden floor. And I felt grass beneath my feet.

And then this stage began to flake away, shavings of stage and curtains circling in the breeze until they were naught but leaves scattered at my feet. I opened my eyes, still hearing applause. And the leaves still clapped and the wind still whistled, and the sun was smeared and broken along the ground. The branches still waved. I shifted on the fallen tree, fingered the strings and kept playing until I could no longer feel my fingers.

In Christ,
Suzanne

such love

Listening to: The Hole in the Wall by Adrian Johnston

I am the lover with no one to hold,
I am the seeker with an empty soul,
I am everyone who’s ever lost hope.

And I never saw You coming;
I could never dream of running.
I have never known such love before.
My God, You come and breathe Your breath in me,
Steal away what’s left of me
Till You are mine and I am Yours.

A few hours ago, we came home from a very interesting, fun, and comical afternoon at church. Due to a caffeine-induced lack of sleep last night, I'm still pretty tired. But afternoon sunlight (in it's evanescent, wraith-like glory) is so pretty, in a lively kind of way. 

Fall like stars on my shore,
Still You are so much more.

I've been trying to make a point to thank the Lord. For everything. It's so easy to forget Him when everything is going perfectly. And a few hours ago, in that glimmering sunlight, I noticed some diamonds being flung about the garden. Water, actually, but they looked so much like diamonds in the ethereal light. Isn't that so pretty? I think it's elegant in an unpredictable, pure, carefree kind of way. And after leaning on the garden fence, looking at the sky, with glistening water dropping on my makeup-smeared face, I thought of something. 

What do I know of this love?

xoxo, 

Suzanne

*Never Saw You Coming by Bebo Norman & What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road

and the laughter slowly changed, so that all I heard was music

Listening to: Swan Song by Franz Schubert

Quote love: "The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul." -Johann Sebastian Bach

The music is soft in the distance and rain is falling from the sky tonight. 

When does a normal sound turn into music?

I remember the time when images danced in my mind and I heard the fall of rain. I looked up from a book to see raindrops glistening in the sunlight, streaming like tears across the windowpane.

I remember sitting on the playground swings at eleven o'clock at night with my amazing friend. The lights shimmered, and the stars looked as if we could take a handful if we reached. A conversation began with, "Do you remember that time when..." and halted in the middle as we laughed.

I remember when I stood along the edge of the ocean, listening to crashing waves, looking at shells and the shifting clouds, and scanning the horizon where the sky embraces the sea. I remember when my mind seemed to collapse on itself when I tried to imagine the greatness of our God.

I remember the times just after the rain, when the hazy sunlight illuminates the glistening grass, when the leaves gently slip to the ground, and the whisper as the breeze stirs the trees.

There was the falling rain, crashing waves, rippling laughter, whispering wind, and all I heard was music.

I don't think music has to consist of a musical instrument to be music.

 So step back and watch the lights, listen to the laughter, and hear the music which can't be heard. Take pictures in your mind, write them down as a reminder, and thank the Lord you were blessed to see such times. Because, after all, He's the reason we were there to enjoy them. :)

In His love and light, 
Suzanne

My Own Little World by Matthew West

A few weeks ago, I was sitting on my bed while listening to Matthew West's new song My Own Little World. I had been dying (not really) to hear this song, as everyone had been bragging about it and saying how convicting it was. It finally came on one day when I had the radio blasting in my room (I was home alone).



It just reminded me of how self-centered we can be, and how we need to reach out to others. In the end, it really isn't about us; we're supposed to be telling others of His love, but it's so easy to forget that goal.

 Mark 16:15
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

In Christ,
Jessie