and then silence.

Listening to: Longer by Dan Fogelberg

Lyric love: "Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean

                  Higher than any bird ever flew

                  Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens

                  I've been in love with you

                  Stronger than any mountain cathedral

                  Truer than any tree ever grew

                  Deeper than any forest primeval

                  I am in love with you."

Fuchsia. Red. Crimson. Burgundy. And then silence.
The crowds applauded then, a thunder, and then a fragile noise that crackled on and on. Faint whistles sounded and circled around me. The lights shone, smeared and bright and floating, broken reflections on the floor. The stage was mine. I could stay this way forever, I could. I shifted on the chair, rubbed my shoes on the wooden floor. And I felt grass beneath my feet.

And then this stage began to flake away, shavings of stage and curtains circling in the breeze until they were naught but leaves scattered at my feet. I opened my eyes, still hearing applause. And the leaves still clapped and the wind still whistled, and the sun was smeared and broken along the ground. The branches still waved. I shifted on the fallen tree, fingered the strings and kept playing until I could no longer feel my fingers.

In Christ,
Suzanne

anywhere i go, you go, my dear.

Listening to: Ding Dong Merrily On High by Roger Whittaker - I love his voice!!! *diez*

Quote love: "Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go and write it down, and either you over dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to."

i carry your heart with me

(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it

(anywhere i go, you go, my dear)

-ee cummings

See that cat in the first picture? That's Avril. That cat reminds me of dog, I'm not joking. I was walking to the road yesterday evening and I whistled for her. She tore across the entire yard and flopped on the ground a few feet from me. She's not officially mine, mind you, but she spends more time at my house than she does wherever else she lives. She'll disappear for a week or so, then come back for three or four before she leaves again.

Random story: A few weeks ago, when the sun was setting, I was lying in the grass in my front yard while talking on the phone. The air and grass were cold, but the sun was almost level with the horizon, so the light was soft and warm like a blanket. Everything had an overly bright, smeared look, and spiderwebs traced shimmering lines in the sky. I was lying on my side, and I rolled over to see that cat flattened on the ground a few feet away, staring at me with wide gleaming eyes, hiding behind the stem of a clover. Go figure cats...

The weeks before Christmas have been wonderful, though busy. I absolutely love this time of year, with the remembrance of Jesus' birth, and seeing much of my family. I've spent the last few days wrapping and smuggling gifts, with the sound of We Three Kings and Carol of the Bells melting through the walls.

I was finally able to make a trip to the library yesterday, and I most likely drove everyone mad due to my coughing (I love winter, but winter doesn't love me. 'nuff said.) But in any case, I left with a small stack of books which have now taken up residence in my room. I'm exceedingly happy...

How has your week been? Are you going anywhere for Christmas?

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. 

Isaiah 9:6 KJV

In Christ,
Suzanne

the child born in May

Listening to: American Honey by Lady Antebellum

Reading: Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe

I was sitting outside today
and I held the day in my hand,
remembering it.
The afternoon was warm,
but chilly around the edges.
This is the weather I live for. I live for winter.
I love it.

I'll get a book and haul a blanket outside.
I'll sit by a tree and read Edgar Allan Poe
to the frozen sky.
 "A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling my beautiful Annabel Lee."
And it would pull it's gray cardigan
closer,
and sigh some more.

 

And I'll look up and whisper it something.

"Neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee."
 

 

love,
the child born in May

when i finally make it home

Listening to: Find My Way Back Home by Priscilla Ahn

I said I'd keep up, and now it seems like there's too much to write.

***THE GOOD NEWS IN THE LIFE OF SUZANNE***

I got a car!! It's a red Ford Explorer. 

 ***THE BAD NEWS IN THE LIFE OF SAID GIRL***

 I hit a buck on the way home from work and totaled my parents' car.

It wasn't on the side of the road or in the ditches; I don't know where it came from. Suddenly it was in front of me and the front of the car seemed to explode. The air bags didn't deploy; they should have, but praise the Lord they didn't. I pulled over and got out through the passenger door (the drivers side door wouldn't open), and checked out the car with a flashlight. I freaked out and got back in for about five minutes, then called my parents.

My parents showed up about ten minutes later. My dad glanced at the car, told me I did well not to swerve, then shook his head and mused, "Well, Jess, I knew you didn't like the drive to work, but man..." 

I called Justin and talked to him until the police came. We towed it home since it wouldn't run, and since I can't go to work for a while (my parents are looking for a new car) I'm staying home for now. I'm so thankful for my new ride. *grins hugely*

Odd, it is, how much I appreciate the time I have at home now. 

I painted something.

I found a notebook. 

I have this odd fascination with empty notebooks. I have this urge to fill them with words, but I never know what to write. This one has my mind in it, since I'm writing down practically every thought that comes to me.

I spent most of yesterday looking through old pictures. I found a picture of my dad walking along the beach when he and my mom were on their honeymoon.

1988.

It's neat to see a time when I wasn't here yet.

How have you guys been?

-Suzanne

{title of post}

Listening to: Wildfire by Michael Martin Murphy

I’ve been so busy lately, pleeease forgive my temporary abandonment of this ‘ere blog. My mom got a job recently, and I’ve started babysitting.

I'm now a licensed driver in the state of Texas. *evil laughter* I got my license on October 3rd. I’ve never been so nervous in my life. My dad and I were sitting on the bench outside the office, and I felt like I was on death row. The good thing is I got to take the test it in a really small town, so the traffic wasn’t bad. I was really worried about the parallel parking, even though my dad showed me how (and I did it perfectly six consecutive times the day before). Praise the Lord for His guiding me, because I did it PERFECTLY on the test. *shrieks happily* Everything happened so fast. And then suddenly I was getting my picture taken. SO, after that, my dad and I bought ice cream to celebrate. *grins madly*

I started working the next day, which meant getting up at an ungodly hour of the morning. I’m a morning person. Just not at 5:00 o’clock. Heh…

My mom is in training for Sprint, and I won’t be able to see her when her normal schedule starts. I’ll leave for work while she’s still sleeping, and when I get home she’ll have left for work; and when she gets home I’ll be sleeping already. So I’ll be able to see her on Sundays, I believe.

I’ve been working on this post for about a week, adding a few sentences every time I wasn’t busy. I’ll try to post more regularly, peeps. :)

In His love,
Suzanne

the hole in the sky.

Listening to: Come Thou Fount by Stephanie Immordino

Quote love: "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." -Galileo Galilei

This life is a lovely place, but it's tiring sometimes. So tonight, clad in an old shirt and worn out jeans, I ran outside and dove on the hood of my dad's pickup truck. It's the best place to be, if one wants to see something vast. Looking at the sky, I feel like everything is like it should be. Tonight was quiet. Quiet enough so I could hear my thoughts. The needles of the pine trees rubbed themselves together, sounding like an innumerable audience applauding the Creator. Silence is loud, you know.

I think we sometimes forget what this world was. This earth is like a canvas that people have painted over. And painted, and painted, and painted. And then after a while, we got used to seeing these unnatural shades of life: roads scribbling across the countryside, and buildings that scrape the clouds off the sky. We forgot the beauty of a world untouched by people.

But then, sometimes, there's a person who has a vague memory of the unstained canvas. Or maybe they saw it by accident, and that made them remember. And they look up at the speckled sky. And they see a place so deep that no amount of paint can conceal it.

The sky is lovely. It's the place where everything looks like it used to be.

God is everywhere, but sometimes this world seems so crowded that it's hard to imagine it. If you look up at the sky though, it's easier to remember. With the blackness bleeding into dark blue. And the moon that looks like a hole in the sky. And the clouds weaving among the stars.

It's empty, and I can imagine that vast space filled with the Lord.

♥

In His love,
Suzanne

golden, cracked, aged.

Listening to: my rambling, chaotic thoughts.

Lyric love: "But there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them." -Jim Croce

I looked up at the pecan trees that towered over us. The sunlight filtered through the leaves and printed shadows on the ground. As the wind shifted, the shadows did too, so there was sunshine lace spread on the ground. I'll always love that.

Have you ever felt that a place was a part of your family? My dad and I wandered among the trees, crunching through the yellowed leaves. Beyond the road was a sprawling old field, and around this time last year, we had sat in the middle of it. We had talked of Shakespeare, guitar, and pondered life.

"If these trees could talk, I'm sure they'd have some remarkable stories to tell. They've seen so much in this life."

Riverside Park. Some of my earliest memories are there. Some of the best ones. My dad and I had come into Victoria and decided to go to the park, which was hilariously fun. We weaved a trail through the pecans and leaves, and we found a stick. When one finds a stick of this size, it inspires one to play baseball. We didn't have a baseball with us, so Papa proceeded to throw pecans in the air before slamming them with the stick. This caused much laughter and the smugly repeated phrase, "Watch and learn."

And later I was sitting on the tailgate of my dad's truck, and we were talking of something that happened years ago. I'm watching the leaves fall, tiny and brown and shriveled and golden. Golden.

And I had a thought.

Brown and cracked and aged, they fall from the trees. But if sunlight arrests them in its soft embrace, then they're not brown and cracked and aged anymore. They're glowing warmly with a newfound fire, sifting to the ground to be nestled among ember-like leaves.

The leaves won't be here forever, but they are here, and they're breathtaking as they glide calmly through the air. Fallen, but still so beautiful.

Sunlight does that.

The Lord does that.

He takes the broken and fallen and He makes them whole. He makes them beautiful, so they glow with His love and joy.

Psalms 23:3  

"He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

In His love,
Suzanne

involving: fires, smoke, and a splattered sun.

Listening to: Revelation by Third Day

Quote love: "Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting." 
-Peter Pan

This is Wesley. Ain't he adorable?!?

The sky is wrapped in smoke today. There's a 25,000 acre fire near Bastrop now, and the smoke is swimming in the sky. Please pray for the safety of the firefighters and the people who are evacuating.

My mom and I went to the Stauss's house earlier, which was very fun and epic. Last time, Wesley stole my camera. That night I found a zillion pictures of his teeth and eyes. o.O

We got to meet two missionaries that were staying with them, which was great! I'm so glad I've finally met them; they're wonderful. *grins hugely*

You know, if you see the sun through an ocean of smoke, it looks like someone threw an orange at the sky. Like someone threw an orange at the sky and it got caught in the smoke, staining the clouds around it. It's very true.

Justin and I went for a walk (which was really fun and hilarious!) and stared at the scenery (I was slightly obsessed with it).

The scenery consisted of hills, gravel roads winding along the countryside, smoke, violent cows, deer, more smoke, and an orange splattered sun. It was so hazy and windy and perfect. It seemed dream-like.

We would have walked to another pasture, though Justin said not to. If I'm not mistaken, the cows had predators where they originated from, and the cows attacked the predators. Or something like that...I might be remembering it wrong. O.O

On another topic, my church is having our annual World Missions Conference this Sunday! I think this is our 23rd conference. It's always such a blessing. We usually cook for the missionary families who come and bring them dinner at the Fellowship Hall, and then we have services. It starts on September 11th and lasts for four days. Praying for the safety of the missionaries and that more people will be brought to Christ. *huge smile*

On yet another topic, I'm on Pinterest! If you're on there, be sure to follow me! I just found it recently, and so far it's pretty fun!

What about you? How has your life been?

In His love,
Suzanne

autumn please come

Listening to: Moonlight Sonata

Quote love: "I don't like standard beauty. There is no beauty without strangeness." -Karl Lagerfeld

Autumn is the best time of year.

It's when the boots (with fuzz in them) and denim jackets get unburied from the closet. When the trees fling away their leaves and the sky pulls on a gray blanket. When the air smells like cinnamon and there's a pumpkin in the middle of the table. It's the time of hot chocolate with marshmallows, whirlwinds of leaves, and Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The air is sharp and a plaid scarf is worn. I like that.

because of sharp air,

strings of lights,

and apples

wearing

candy.

and books and stories

and characters lit

by candle light.

and music plays

and a war

is won.

Autumn, please come soon.

In His love,
Suzanne

and it ran down the road yelling.

Listening to: Beauty Will Rise by Steven Curtis Chapman

An unbelievable piece of information: I learned to drive a standard vehicle last year. You know how everyone says, "It's not something you can forget. It'll come back to you."

***THE REALITY OF SUZANNE RODRIGUEZ***

I forgot. And no, it didn't come back to me. In fact, it ran down the road yelling.

My dad is an amazing teacher. Amazing. I honestly can't give him enough credit. Two days ago, I drove my dad's work truck. Had someone stopped on the highway and looked inside the blue pickup, they would have seen a wide-eyed seventeen year old girl gripping the wheel, muttering in French (with the occasional shriek). They also would have seen a relaxed man sitting in the passenger seat with a calm, slightly amused expression on his face, as if he were watching an interesting movie. 

While I tripped, climbed, and walked on the fence between sanity and hysteria, he calmly gave instructions. He's the best, guys. 

In the driveway back at home, I slowly emerged from the truck. My hair was pointing at something in the sky, my makeup-less face was flushed and damp (said truck lacks air conditioning, and the afternoons are still in the hundreds). I had a Dr. Pepper and gummi worms. Comfort food.

That night I was sitting on the hood of the truck talking to Justin on the phone and looking at the stars. They looked like little shards of glass that had been thrown at the sky and tied there. One of them fell, though, and went shooting across the dark speckled ocean.

"Maybe someone cut the string holding it up."

-Justin

The stars are so pretty; have you seen them lately?

In His love,

Suzanne

summer's almost gone...

Listening to: You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

Today was very, very uneventful. My dad and I went to a convenience store, and it wasn't until I was doing sixty on the shimmering highway that I realized I shouldn't be driving (I'm still on medication from said surgery). So I turned off the highway and cruised along a back road. The Texas kind of back road. The kind of road that's lined with barbed wire fences, winds through the fields, and is splattered with potholes. And a crazy number of cattle guards. Oh my goodness, we literally can't forget the cattle guards. If you happen to forget about them, drive over one and you'll be reminded. Cattle should just stay put.

Cattle guards or not, we drove along in hazy sunlight with the windows down and listened to a man on the radio remind us of the heat index (113 Fahrenheit).

It's hot.

A tumbleweed rolled across the road, which added to the effect.

The content of my awesome Sunday:

A really amazing friend of mine, Justin, came home after being in Alaska on a mission trip for six weeks. Praise the Lord for his opportunity to serve Him, and that he's back safely! :)

We took the elective's exam. I'm confident that I did well. That makes me doubtful. It was really easy, so either I did great or I just bombed the whole thing. The last time I was confident I would get an A, I got a B. And the questions I answered were: True, true, true, true, true, true, true, false, true, true, true. GAH!!

I spent the time between services hanging out with two families from church; that was fun and such a blessing! That was a pretty wonderful day. :)

In His love and light,
Suzanne

of wisdom teeth (or the lack thereof) and exams

Listening to: Holy by Nichole Nordeman

I plan on doing absolutely nothing today. Except study for the Elective's exam, which is....tomorrow. That class was epic. Creationism vs. Evolutionism & Uniformitarianism. Epicness.

I've a good reason for my planning on doing absolutely nothing today, and it has to do with my new nickname "Chipmunk Cheeks". The reason for my planning on doing absolutely nothing today: I got all four of my wisdom teeth out yesterday. The whole thing turned out to be very interesting. Apparently I had a conversation with the oral surgeon about Creationism and Uniformitarianism. I don't remember that. At all. Then I got dragged to the car, woke up at Burger King to the words over the speaker "You want fries with that?", and then I passed out/fell asleep on the floor of the ladies room in Walgreens. Ew. I'm pretty glad there was no one else in the room; I doubt someone would have reacted calmly to a teenage girl with a mouthful of gauze sprawled on the floor. 

But then I got a text from my un-biological sister: G'morning, Chipmunk Cheeks!!!!!

I love that girl.

Turns out I forgot that our icepack broke, so I'm been walking around with a bag of frozen blueberries against my face. Muahaha. How have y'all been lately? :)

xoxo,

Suzanne

say it with the accent.

Announcement: I'm working a on vlog, so that should be up in the next few days.

Listening to: Come Thou Fount by Stephanie Immordino

1) Cactus. Texans love us some cactus! *sarcasm*

2) It's heart shaped! See that?! 

3) If you don't say "barbed wire" with a Texas accent, 

then you ain't said it right. 

Bob wahr.

It's so hot here. It's in the 100s, peoples. This evening, I plan to set up a photoshoot of a glass of iced tea. I need new photography material; yesterday evening I was stalking the chickens around the yard. Apparently they're camera shy, because they fled to the woods.

Some friends and I went to see Captain America in the theaters. By the way, it's kind of creepy to see a boy in the previews who looks identical to your cousin. That surprised me...I was eating popcorn and almost choked. Anyways. Most of the movie was very good, but the ending was so weird. Marvel really failed...at least on the last scene.

How has your week been?

And remember: bob wahr.

In His love,
Suzanne

i know you see it, but can you hear it?

Listening to: Expression by Helen Jane Long

Quote love: "Trust me, though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Leisel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like the rain." -The Book Thief 

A lot of people take reading for granted. Really.

For a year before I learned to read, my four year old self envied the people who could. I felt like I had been shut out of something important. Something silent. Something unimaginably fun. Something that could take me away.

I looked around and saw these pictures. But they weren’t full portraits. They were pictures that had been dismantled and stitched into little symbols we call letters. These writhing, knotted symbols marched across paper, telling stories which I didn't know how to see.

And slowly I learned how to take the pieces of those broken pictures and put them back together again. After a while, I learned to make my own puzzle out of them. 

Words are wonderful.

Don’t you forget it.

Okay?

xoxo,                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Suzanne

did you see?

Listening to: The Promise of a Lifetime 

Lyric love: "I thought if I could touch this place, or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else, and I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could just walk around, I swear I'll leave. I won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me." -The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert

I know you bought my old house, but you really know nothing about it.

Did you see the lines on the doorway, where Mama marked how tall I grew? Did you see the red streaks of crayon in that back bedroom? I did that when I was five.

"Papa, come and spend time with me?"

I know I don't live there anymore, but I wish I could walk through that house once more; just to see the memories that live in the walls, and maybe find the ones I've forgotten. Did you see the hallway that led to another bedroom? On a cloudy day in May, my very exhausted father walked in, dropped a backpack, and laid on the bed with a newborn Suzanne sleeping on his chest. That was seventeen years ago. Fourteen years ago, at two in the morning when a thunderstorm raged in the skies, I ran to sleep in the arms of my mother.

"Mama, may I snuggle with you?"

Did you paint that back bedroom that was mine? Did you finish peeling away that paisley wallpaper? I spent thirteen years pulling tiny strips off my walls, though I never thought it would hurt to see it all gone. Did you see that window, the one with the orange tree in front of it? I found a picture from back when I was eighteen months old. I was leaning on that window sill, looking at my eight year old cousin. She was standing outside, smiling and talking to me; and I put my little hand on the cool glass, laughing and trying to touch her face.

Did you go to the backyard? My puppy is buried under the pear tree. Did you see the tallest tree? Papa built me a swing there. It's gone now, but I wonder if the echos ever really fade away. The echos of my cousin's laughter, whispering on the breeze. If you would climb the tree, you would see that the tree is my favorite.

"J.S.R."

And five years ago, I stood outside that house at ten o'clock at night: the day I could no longer call my house mine. I looked through a window and saw the moonlight streaming through the lace curtains. The empty rooms looked so lonely, and I looked at the doorway that led to the back bedrooms. I looked at the dining room, and remembered the video of my first birthday.


"Happy first birthday, sweet girl."

I looked in the kitchen where Papa held me ten years ago, after I scraped my knee. He let me cry and suggested we go fishing. I looked at the living room, so empty and cold. That's the house where I got saved. Remember when there was classical music softly playing, and everything was familiar? Remember?


"Hi, baby. Are you feeling any better? We're going to the doctor."

Did you see the front porch? I stood there and watched the wind lower a pine tree to the ground. That was the day I sat on my bed and stared out the window, watching a hurricane rage. Did you see the window by the front door? That was the window I stood by when I was ten, watching snow slip from the sky. That was the first time I had ever seen snow.

I could go on forever, and then some. I'd give so much to see that house again, and see the room where I cried until I slept and laughed until I cried. I know if I showed up now, you'd have no idea who I was. But it's okay if there's a piece of paper that says the house isn't mine anymore. That's the house I lived in, and that's the house that built me.

In His love and light,

Suzanne

such love

Listening to: The Hole in the Wall by Adrian Johnston

I am the lover with no one to hold,
I am the seeker with an empty soul,
I am everyone who’s ever lost hope.

And I never saw You coming;
I could never dream of running.
I have never known such love before.
My God, You come and breathe Your breath in me,
Steal away what’s left of me
Till You are mine and I am Yours.

A few hours ago, we came home from a very interesting, fun, and comical afternoon at church. Due to a caffeine-induced lack of sleep last night, I'm still pretty tired. But afternoon sunlight (in it's evanescent, wraith-like glory) is so pretty, in a lively kind of way. 

Fall like stars on my shore,
Still You are so much more.

I've been trying to make a point to thank the Lord. For everything. It's so easy to forget Him when everything is going perfectly. And a few hours ago, in that glimmering sunlight, I noticed some diamonds being flung about the garden. Water, actually, but they looked so much like diamonds in the ethereal light. Isn't that so pretty? I think it's elegant in an unpredictable, pure, carefree kind of way. And after leaning on the garden fence, looking at the sky, with glistening water dropping on my makeup-smeared face, I thought of something. 

What do I know of this love?

xoxo, 

Suzanne

*Never Saw You Coming by Bebo Norman & What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road

of drawing, college courses, and the nearing of summer

Listening to: Swan Song by Franz Schubert

Quote love: "Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather." -John Ruskin

You know what? I have nothing to do. Well, I have things to do (like the dishes), but I have nothing to study for. No deadlines. No speeches or essays to write. No projects. No reason to pull an all-nighter to study. Nothing. Summer break is here. I can't get over how that feels. I got used to the voice in the back of my mind: You need to study more; you need to write that speech; you'll never catch up, you're too far behind; how much time do you have left? have you turned in that paper yet? Now summer's here. Quiet. It's like I was spinning on a swing, jumped off, and now I can't get used to the fact that I'm not spinning anymore. Have you ever felt that way?

I've started doodling, hence the first picture. Supposedly it's a kind of therapy (it is kind of calming), but it's mostly just plain fun.

My church is continuing to have the satellite college course by Faith Bible Institute through the summer. Scientific and Biblical Creationism Elective. *screams* I seriously can't wait for that to start. If I remember correctly, fourteen people (including my family and me) are taking it. *sighs happily* God is so amazing!

What about you? What plans do you have for your summer?

xoxox,

Suzanne

dreaming of something dandelion-ish.

Listening to: the wind whispering, floorboards creaking, inaudible music, and voices murmuring from the kitchen
Quote love: "Black are the brooding clouds and troubled the deep waters, when the Sea of Thought, first heaving from a calm, gives up its Dead." -Charles Dickens

The sky is grey outside my bedroom window, and it looks like it might rain.
I can hear the wind. Wouldn't it be neat if the wind was caused by time passing by? Don't look at me funny, I know it's not, but it's something unusual to ponder, right? But you know what I want to do right this moment? Get lost. Sit in the passenger seat of a truck with the windows down, traveling down a tiny country road with the smell of rain riding the wind.

To pass by fields of corn, chasing the miles so far away. The brooding horizon would flicker with the occasional lightning, and I'd lean out the window of the moving vehicle (coming very close to falling) to take a picture of the rustling stalks of corn, murmuring leaves, seething sky, and the beauty El Shaddai has created. Maybe if we got lost enough, we'd come across some dandelions.

That's what I want to do. To laugh so hard I think I might fall, but I don't. To wear a white sundress, but no makeup. To be sitting in the truck with a can of Dr. Pepper, a half-eaten bag of chips, my camera, and the winding road before us. There doesn't need to be conversation. I think times are just as fun without conversation as they are with it.

It would be so windy. If the wind actually was caused by time passing, then time would be flying by. Of course it would, because we'd be having a good time. Time always flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?

And maybe we'll end up at the beach. :)

xoxo,

Suzanne

My sixteenth year

Listening to: I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe

Quote love: "If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn and send me away with the words of a love song."

I'm seventeen. As of May 4th.

For some reason it seems that years fly by, and I'm left standing at the end of it with a puzzled expression; but this year was such a long year. And for some other reason people assume that if a year is long, it must have been monotonous and boring.

No. Quite the contrary, I might add.

What did I do in my sweetest sixteenth year?

I laughed so hard I gave myself an asthma attack.

I made some amazing, wonderful friends.

I met a sweet friend of mine at the library and got to tell her "I love you," for the last time, two days before the Lord let her go home.

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and cried harder than I've ever cried before, understanding for the first time what it means for your heart to ache. If you spend your whole life knowing someone, loving them, giving them a part of your life and heart, then when they die it feels like the piece of your heart you gave to them died when they did.

"Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us..." Psalm 62:8

I read. Quite often. I gained an obsession with J.R.R. Tolkien and Ted Dekker's books (again), which I read through the summer. I also read much of the work of Edgar Allan Poe, who penned Annabel Lee.

Anna and I went to the swings at 10:00 at night. I swung so high I felt as if I could let go and be sitting among the stars. That's the place to be, you know.

My best friend and I went on a walk. In the evening sun which filtered through the towering trees, we line danced. Yes. We line danced with two people, 'cause we are just that amazing. As we trampled through the grass and burrs, I watched the sunlight shift on the ground. Have you ever noticed that sunlight, when seen on the ground from beneath trees, looks a lot like lace? I love that.

I passed out for the first time.

My drama group (Artistic Drama Development) rocked our performances of Mission: Possible. Yours truly played U (like a code name), my cousin played N, and my other cousin played James Blond. The entire process consisted of glasses with radio transmitters, drawing dragon scales on my script, stuffing our faces with candy backstage, vain attempts to be taught how to get dipped in a waltz (also backstage), several guns and other glorious weapons of mass destruction, wearing three layers of clothes, and the happiness of finding my parents and grandmother in the audience. Heh. Run-on sentence?

Went for a walk with seven or eight people and played sardines in the woods. We got eaten by a rose hedge, got tangled in poison sumac (or poison oak...or poison ivy...it was just poisonous), watched someone get slammed in the back with a soggy tennis ball, and watched a fairly violent game of basketball from under a tree. Good times.

I opened the door of the dressing room at Drama and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun*. That's definitely a first.

I looked out my window just now and noticed a wonderfully indescribable sunset. I love sunsets. If the colours of sunsets described something, I think they would make an attempt to describe how strong and beautiful our God is.

This was such a long year. But it wasn't horrible, sad, or boring. It was wonderful. If I were to mention all the memorable events (fortunate and unfortunate), this post would be much, much longer. I hope all my coming years are as lengthy as this one was, because maybe then I'll remember to enjoy them as much as I did this one. This present time passes so fast, and it doesn't bother to wave goodbye. I want to remember to praise the Lord's name, even when things aren't going the way I think they should, and enjoy the time He gave me. I'm looking forward to my seventeenth year.

xoxoxo, 

Suzanne

*Airsoft gun which was a prop for said play.

Stylish Blogger Award!

Listening to: The Lord of the Rings soundtrack

Quote love: "Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love that makes the world go round!" -Alice in Wonderland

I was awarded the Stylish Blogger award by Bella Skye! Thank youuu!

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Write seven things about yourself.
3. Pass on to seven other bloggers.
4. Tell the seven awardees of their award!

So, here are seven things about moi:

1. I love the Renaissance era. ♥
2. My hair is freakishly curly. I straighten my hair and it won't hold. I curl my straight eyelashes, and they won't hold a curl. Ironic, no?
3. The word 'Fail' is used too frequently (in other words: it's severely overrated). So, my friend and I came up with a term that had the same meaning, but in a less popular form.                                            Example: *person drops object* Me: "You have met with disaster."
4. I dislike Kindle. I refuse to conform. I will hold the book, I will smell the book, I will read the book, I will get lost in the book, I will cry over the book, I will put the book in my bag; I refuse to entertain the notion of a book in digital format... o.O (though my entire view on this notion would probably change the minute I held one...)
5. I've decided on the colours for my (God willing) future wedding.
6. I really like Edgar Allan Poe and his style of writing. Annabel Lee is the most romantic poem ever written (at least from what I've read). The Tell-Tale Heart is my second favorite.
7. I've always wanted to meet a Cheshire cat.
   

Now, I'm picking seven bloggers...

Georgianna Penn from Before My Penn Has Gleaned

Jana-Beth from Sunshine, Songbirds, and Blue Skies

Gretchen from A Pocket Peridot

Lexi from Alexis Nicole Photography

 Rachel from DillyBelle Media

Katie from Whisperings of the Pen

Rebekah from Every Day Sunsets

xoxox,

Suzanne

Liquid Sunshine.

Listening to: Forgiven by Sanctus Real

Lyric love: "We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us." How He Loves by David Crowder Band

Olivia is having a giveaway/blog-hop. Were you aware of that?! Now you've been informed! She's giving away some pretty awesome prizes, and that means you should go and enter!

Favorite season, and why?

Autumn. The cool air, the cloudy days, the rainbow-ish leaves. I look around and see everything dying, and that reminds me just how alive I am.

How would you describe your personal style?

Renaissancey. Breezy. Rainy. Blue/grey. Flowery.

What's one weird thing you can do? (The stranger the better!)

I can kill a cactus. Yeah. That takes skill. I forget to water plants, as you can tell...

Rain or shine?

Rain! I love waking up in the morning and the first thing I hear is rain pounding on the roof.

Confession time... what's a flaw of yours?

I'm indecisive.

Favorite music?

Classical, contemporary Christian, the soundtrack from The Lord of the Rings, and Franz Schubert. *goes and puts on soundtrack* :)

Have you ever made a decision you instantly regretted? What was it?

I can't think of anything I've regretted instantly. Perhaps later, but not instantly.

You've just won an unlimited lifetime supply of... what?

MONEY. Okay, I'll be serious: I don't need to be rich as far as money goes. An unlimited lifetime supply of love.

If you were an animal, what would you be?

A cat. Agile, graceful, quiet, sleepy, and pretty. I luv cats. ♥

If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you do with your time?

I would write letters to all my friends and family. They couldn't see them until I was gone, but in those letters I would tell them everything I couldn't say in person.

Classical music: love it or hate it?

LOVE!!!!

Phobias?

Drowning or suffocating. And spiders. Can't forget spiders. *eye twitch*

Hop on a plane and go live somewhere for a year... where is it, and why?

Normandy, France. There's an old picture of the French side of my family. From what I've heard, they look so depressed you'd think the world was gonna end the next day. Handlebar mustaches.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

Introvert. Well, I'm not sure. The people who don't know me think I'm quiet, but the people who do know me wish I was... 

Now that you've suffered through my blathering and raving, go over to Horsefeathers! ;)

xoxoxox,

Suzanne

Hush now. I just had an idea...

Listening to: My Own Little World by Matthew West

Quote love: "She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." -Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Who here loves inspiration?! The kind where you hear a word, a phrase, a picture, a song, and a story tells itself.

Sometimes you get a glimpse into the deepest part of your mind: the part that's like a room. The room where you know inspiration is. You can run endlessly through the passages and stairwells and rooms of your mind, but never find it. Most of the time, it seems, you can only find this room of inspiration by accident, if you're lost, or completely unsuspecting.

On the occasion you do find it, you breathlessly run in and see a vast room that is divided by endless rows of books. Shelves which are crammed with literature line the walls, and unidentifiable music plays distantly. You're not allowed to see the titles nor recognize the music. Not yet. Perhaps later. There's an open book on the floor in front of you. On the page is a word, a phrase, a picture, a song, or something only you can see. When you see it, a evanescent understanding floods your mind. It's a wonderful, beautiful, intricate, maddening idea.

Find a way to make yourself remember what was on that page, because you might never see it again.

It seems you're only allowed in this magnificent room for a few seconds before you're pushed out, the door slamming in your face, and the open book on the other side of a locked door. I hope you remembered everything you could.

Inspiration for this post: a photograph of a winding staircase.

What about you? What last gave you inspiration?

In His love and light, 

Suzanne

and the laughter slowly changed, so that all I heard was music

Listening to: Swan Song by Franz Schubert

Quote love: "The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul." -Johann Sebastian Bach

The music is soft in the distance and rain is falling from the sky tonight. 

When does a normal sound turn into music?

I remember the time when images danced in my mind and I heard the fall of rain. I looked up from a book to see raindrops glistening in the sunlight, streaming like tears across the windowpane.

I remember sitting on the playground swings at eleven o'clock at night with my amazing friend. The lights shimmered, and the stars looked as if we could take a handful if we reached. A conversation began with, "Do you remember that time when..." and halted in the middle as we laughed.

I remember when I stood along the edge of the ocean, listening to crashing waves, looking at shells and the shifting clouds, and scanning the horizon where the sky embraces the sea. I remember when my mind seemed to collapse on itself when I tried to imagine the greatness of our God.

I remember the times just after the rain, when the hazy sunlight illuminates the glistening grass, when the leaves gently slip to the ground, and the whisper as the breeze stirs the trees.

There was the falling rain, crashing waves, rippling laughter, whispering wind, and all I heard was music.

I don't think music has to consist of a musical instrument to be music.

 So step back and watch the lights, listen to the laughter, and hear the music which can't be heard. Take pictures in your mind, write them down as a reminder, and thank the Lord you were blessed to see such times. Because, after all, He's the reason we were there to enjoy them. :)

In His love and light, 
Suzanne

what brings you joy?

Listening to: Well being by PartyLite (Oh. My. Goodness. It's so beautiful...)

Quote love: "If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalog." -Sears Roebuck catalog

What is joy to you?

When I look in the mailbox and find a hand-written letter with my name on it.

When I can sit and listen to the grass whisper.

When we remember that our God is great, magnificent, loving, and almighty.

When I get to pummel my family with random observations, comments, and notes. :)

Those times bring me joy.

What about you? What brings you joy?

In His love and light, 

Jessie Suzanne

folded and saved

Listening to: You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

Quote love: "This is not a letter but my arms around you for a brief moment." -Katherine Mansfield

Finished reading this post.

It made me think.

Have I mentioned how much I love letters?! Writing them and receiving them. I write letters to my friend just to tell her how awesome she is. It's remarkable how some of your feelings can be entangled with the swirl of the letters as you lead them across the paper. It's remarkable how something so encumbered with worth can be folded and saved.

I most definitely wouldn't say hand-written letters are better than face-to-face conversations, but I wouldn't call them inferior.
:)

In His love and light,
Suzanne

...and the library didn't have it.

Listening to: How Many Kings by Downhere 

Quote love: "Sentence first, verdict afterwards." -Lewis Carroll

I have some things to talk about. So, here goes.

Thing one: Has anyone here read The Great and Terrible Quest by Margaret Lovett? Because people have been bragging, and bragging, and bragging about it, and it's driving me nuts because...our library doesn't carry it. I should know. I tore apart the library catalog. With my bare hands. {Okay, not really. I just looked very, very hard}.

Thing two: I got a letter from my sweet pen-pal and nearly died of happiness. :) Also, I think England's stamps are so amazing! I'm so used to seeing the American stamps {with the Liberty Bell on them}.

What's been up with you? Any epic books that need reading? :)

In His love and light, 

Jessie Suzanne

the things that make you remember

Listening to: My Own Little World by Matthew West.

Quote love: "A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever." -Unknown

Last night I was sitting on my bed while I folded clothes. I looked in my closet as I hung up a jacket, and I noticed a white book on the floor.

I flipped through my old script, and it brought into recollection a time I hadn't thought of in a while.

Nearly two years earlier, I was frantically flipping through its pages in a dark hall backstage as we practiced the play of The Chronicles of Narnia.  

It brought into recollection the days when we put on masks and costumes. 

The days when we were kings and queens and dwarves and elves; when we all rushed onstage as someone else. When we clung to wooden swords and hosted a sword fight in the dressing room. It made me think of how much fun we had when we decided to play hide & seek, exploring multifarious classrooms in the building.

It made me think of how we choked back our laughter on performance night when someone forgot the cup backstage, and we improvised and 'drank' from someone's cell phone. 

I remembered how we were sprawled on floor as we read through the play, and someone fell asleep.

How we all laughed when we were scribbling our lines on our hands and forearms the day we were supposed to have our lines memorized. How me and a friend raced through dark hallways, only to find the cast's younger siblings in a room with my mom watching Veggie Tales. I thought of how both of us walked in, asked a toddler to scoot over, and we sat down to watch Veggie Tales.

How we sat in that same darkened hallway and pondered what would happen to the paint job if we were to put bologna slices on a car.

The day of performance, and we're waiting in a back room eating popcorn, listening to Fenris Ulf play the guitar.

It's those times when a camera wouldn't have done much good. Because even though a camera can beautifully capture the emotions and images, when you step back and notice your friends, the music, and the times when you laugh so hard you can't breathe, you know there is no way a camera could capture that. 

.:Me, Kaitlin, Elizabeth, and Ashley:.

In His love and light,

Suzanne