say it with the accent.

Announcement: I'm working a on vlog, so that should be up in the next few days.

Listening to: Come Thou Fount by Stephanie Immordino

1) Cactus. Texans love us some cactus! *sarcasm*

2) It's heart shaped! See that?! 

3) If you don't say "barbed wire" with a Texas accent, 

then you ain't said it right. 

Bob wahr.

It's so hot here. It's in the 100s, peoples. This evening, I plan to set up a photoshoot of a glass of iced tea. I need new photography material; yesterday evening I was stalking the chickens around the yard. Apparently they're camera shy, because they fled to the woods.

Some friends and I went to see Captain America in the theaters. By the way, it's kind of creepy to see a boy in the previews who looks identical to your cousin. That surprised me...I was eating popcorn and almost choked. Anyways. Most of the movie was very good, but the ending was so weird. Marvel really failed...at least on the last scene.

How has your week been?

And remember: bob wahr.

In His love,
Suzanne

i know you see it, but can you hear it?

Listening to: Expression by Helen Jane Long

Quote love: "Trust me, though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Leisel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like the rain." -The Book Thief 

A lot of people take reading for granted. Really.

For a year before I learned to read, my four year old self envied the people who could. I felt like I had been shut out of something important. Something silent. Something unimaginably fun. Something that could take me away.

I looked around and saw these pictures. But they weren’t full portraits. They were pictures that had been dismantled and stitched into little symbols we call letters. These writhing, knotted symbols marched across paper, telling stories which I didn't know how to see.

And slowly I learned how to take the pieces of those broken pictures and put them back together again. After a while, I learned to make my own puzzle out of them. 

Words are wonderful.

Don’t you forget it.

Okay?

xoxo,                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Suzanne

did you see?

Listening to: The Promise of a Lifetime 

Lyric love: "I thought if I could touch this place, or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else, and I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could just walk around, I swear I'll leave. I won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me." -The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert

I know you bought my old house, but you really know nothing about it.

Did you see the lines on the doorway, where Mama marked how tall I grew? Did you see the red streaks of crayon in that back bedroom? I did that when I was five.

"Papa, come and spend time with me?"

I know I don't live there anymore, but I wish I could walk through that house once more; just to see the memories that live in the walls, and maybe find the ones I've forgotten. Did you see the hallway that led to another bedroom? On a cloudy day in May, my very exhausted father walked in, dropped a backpack, and laid on the bed with a newborn Suzanne sleeping on his chest. That was seventeen years ago. Fourteen years ago, at two in the morning when a thunderstorm raged in the skies, I ran to sleep in the arms of my mother.

"Mama, may I snuggle with you?"

Did you paint that back bedroom that was mine? Did you finish peeling away that paisley wallpaper? I spent thirteen years pulling tiny strips off my walls, though I never thought it would hurt to see it all gone. Did you see that window, the one with the orange tree in front of it? I found a picture from back when I was eighteen months old. I was leaning on that window sill, looking at my eight year old cousin. She was standing outside, smiling and talking to me; and I put my little hand on the cool glass, laughing and trying to touch her face.

Did you go to the backyard? My puppy is buried under the pear tree. Did you see the tallest tree? Papa built me a swing there. It's gone now, but I wonder if the echos ever really fade away. The echos of my cousin's laughter, whispering on the breeze. If you would climb the tree, you would see that the tree is my favorite.

"J.S.R."

And five years ago, I stood outside that house at ten o'clock at night: the day I could no longer call my house mine. I looked through a window and saw the moonlight streaming through the lace curtains. The empty rooms looked so lonely, and I looked at the doorway that led to the back bedrooms. I looked at the dining room, and remembered the video of my first birthday.


"Happy first birthday, sweet girl."

I looked in the kitchen where Papa held me ten years ago, after I scraped my knee. He let me cry and suggested we go fishing. I looked at the living room, so empty and cold. That's the house where I got saved. Remember when there was classical music softly playing, and everything was familiar? Remember?


"Hi, baby. Are you feeling any better? We're going to the doctor."

Did you see the front porch? I stood there and watched the wind lower a pine tree to the ground. That was the day I sat on my bed and stared out the window, watching a hurricane rage. Did you see the window by the front door? That was the window I stood by when I was ten, watching snow slip from the sky. That was the first time I had ever seen snow.

I could go on forever, and then some. I'd give so much to see that house again, and see the room where I cried until I slept and laughed until I cried. I know if I showed up now, you'd have no idea who I was. But it's okay if there's a piece of paper that says the house isn't mine anymore. That's the house I lived in, and that's the house that built me.

In His love and light,

Suzanne

such love

Listening to: The Hole in the Wall by Adrian Johnston

I am the lover with no one to hold,
I am the seeker with an empty soul,
I am everyone who’s ever lost hope.

And I never saw You coming;
I could never dream of running.
I have never known such love before.
My God, You come and breathe Your breath in me,
Steal away what’s left of me
Till You are mine and I am Yours.

A few hours ago, we came home from a very interesting, fun, and comical afternoon at church. Due to a caffeine-induced lack of sleep last night, I'm still pretty tired. But afternoon sunlight (in it's evanescent, wraith-like glory) is so pretty, in a lively kind of way. 

Fall like stars on my shore,
Still You are so much more.

I've been trying to make a point to thank the Lord. For everything. It's so easy to forget Him when everything is going perfectly. And a few hours ago, in that glimmering sunlight, I noticed some diamonds being flung about the garden. Water, actually, but they looked so much like diamonds in the ethereal light. Isn't that so pretty? I think it's elegant in an unpredictable, pure, carefree kind of way. And after leaning on the garden fence, looking at the sky, with glistening water dropping on my makeup-smeared face, I thought of something. 

What do I know of this love?

xoxo, 

Suzanne

*Never Saw You Coming by Bebo Norman & What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road

of drawing, college courses, and the nearing of summer

Listening to: Swan Song by Franz Schubert

Quote love: "Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather." -John Ruskin

You know what? I have nothing to do. Well, I have things to do (like the dishes), but I have nothing to study for. No deadlines. No speeches or essays to write. No projects. No reason to pull an all-nighter to study. Nothing. Summer break is here. I can't get over how that feels. I got used to the voice in the back of my mind: You need to study more; you need to write that speech; you'll never catch up, you're too far behind; how much time do you have left? have you turned in that paper yet? Now summer's here. Quiet. It's like I was spinning on a swing, jumped off, and now I can't get used to the fact that I'm not spinning anymore. Have you ever felt that way?

I've started doodling, hence the first picture. Supposedly it's a kind of therapy (it is kind of calming), but it's mostly just plain fun.

My church is continuing to have the satellite college course by Faith Bible Institute through the summer. Scientific and Biblical Creationism Elective. *screams* I seriously can't wait for that to start. If I remember correctly, fourteen people (including my family and me) are taking it. *sighs happily* God is so amazing!

What about you? What plans do you have for your summer?

xoxox,

Suzanne

dreaming of something dandelion-ish.

Listening to: the wind whispering, floorboards creaking, inaudible music, and voices murmuring from the kitchen
Quote love: "Black are the brooding clouds and troubled the deep waters, when the Sea of Thought, first heaving from a calm, gives up its Dead." -Charles Dickens

The sky is grey outside my bedroom window, and it looks like it might rain.
I can hear the wind. Wouldn't it be neat if the wind was caused by time passing by? Don't look at me funny, I know it's not, but it's something unusual to ponder, right? But you know what I want to do right this moment? Get lost. Sit in the passenger seat of a truck with the windows down, traveling down a tiny country road with the smell of rain riding the wind.

To pass by fields of corn, chasing the miles so far away. The brooding horizon would flicker with the occasional lightning, and I'd lean out the window of the moving vehicle (coming very close to falling) to take a picture of the rustling stalks of corn, murmuring leaves, seething sky, and the beauty El Shaddai has created. Maybe if we got lost enough, we'd come across some dandelions.

That's what I want to do. To laugh so hard I think I might fall, but I don't. To wear a white sundress, but no makeup. To be sitting in the truck with a can of Dr. Pepper, a half-eaten bag of chips, my camera, and the winding road before us. There doesn't need to be conversation. I think times are just as fun without conversation as they are with it.

It would be so windy. If the wind actually was caused by time passing, then time would be flying by. Of course it would, because we'd be having a good time. Time always flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?

And maybe we'll end up at the beach. :)

xoxo,

Suzanne

My sixteenth year

Listening to: I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe

Quote love: "If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn and send me away with the words of a love song."

I'm seventeen. As of May 4th.

For some reason it seems that years fly by, and I'm left standing at the end of it with a puzzled expression; but this year was such a long year. And for some other reason people assume that if a year is long, it must have been monotonous and boring.

No. Quite the contrary, I might add.

What did I do in my sweetest sixteenth year?

I laughed so hard I gave myself an asthma attack.

I made some amazing, wonderful friends.

I met a sweet friend of mine at the library and got to tell her "I love you," for the last time, two days before the Lord let her go home.

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and cried harder than I've ever cried before, understanding for the first time what it means for your heart to ache. If you spend your whole life knowing someone, loving them, giving them a part of your life and heart, then when they die it feels like the piece of your heart you gave to them died when they did.

"Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us..." Psalm 62:8

I read. Quite often. I gained an obsession with J.R.R. Tolkien and Ted Dekker's books (again), which I read through the summer. I also read much of the work of Edgar Allan Poe, who penned Annabel Lee.

Anna and I went to the swings at 10:00 at night. I swung so high I felt as if I could let go and be sitting among the stars. That's the place to be, you know.

My best friend and I went on a walk. In the evening sun which filtered through the towering trees, we line danced. Yes. We line danced with two people, 'cause we are just that amazing. As we trampled through the grass and burrs, I watched the sunlight shift on the ground. Have you ever noticed that sunlight, when seen on the ground from beneath trees, looks a lot like lace? I love that.

I passed out for the first time.

My drama group (Artistic Drama Development) rocked our performances of Mission: Possible. Yours truly played U (like a code name), my cousin played N, and my other cousin played James Blond. The entire process consisted of glasses with radio transmitters, drawing dragon scales on my script, stuffing our faces with candy backstage, vain attempts to be taught how to get dipped in a waltz (also backstage), several guns and other glorious weapons of mass destruction, wearing three layers of clothes, and the happiness of finding my parents and grandmother in the audience. Heh. Run-on sentence?

Went for a walk with seven or eight people and played sardines in the woods. We got eaten by a rose hedge, got tangled in poison sumac (or poison oak...or poison ivy...it was just poisonous), watched someone get slammed in the back with a soggy tennis ball, and watched a fairly violent game of basketball from under a tree. Good times.

I opened the door of the dressing room at Drama and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun*. That's definitely a first.

I looked out my window just now and noticed a wonderfully indescribable sunset. I love sunsets. If the colours of sunsets described something, I think they would make an attempt to describe how strong and beautiful our God is.

This was such a long year. But it wasn't horrible, sad, or boring. It was wonderful. If I were to mention all the memorable events (fortunate and unfortunate), this post would be much, much longer. I hope all my coming years are as lengthy as this one was, because maybe then I'll remember to enjoy them as much as I did this one. This present time passes so fast, and it doesn't bother to wave goodbye. I want to remember to praise the Lord's name, even when things aren't going the way I think they should, and enjoy the time He gave me. I'm looking forward to my seventeenth year.

xoxoxo, 

Suzanne

*Airsoft gun which was a prop for said play.

Stylish Blogger Award!

Listening to: The Lord of the Rings soundtrack

Quote love: "Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love that makes the world go round!" -Alice in Wonderland

I was awarded the Stylish Blogger award by Bella Skye! Thank youuu!

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Write seven things about yourself.
3. Pass on to seven other bloggers.
4. Tell the seven awardees of their award!

So, here are seven things about moi:

1. I love the Renaissance era. ♥
2. My hair is freakishly curly. I straighten my hair and it won't hold. I curl my straight eyelashes, and they won't hold a curl. Ironic, no?
3. The word 'Fail' is used too frequently (in other words: it's severely overrated). So, my friend and I came up with a term that had the same meaning, but in a less popular form.                                            Example: *person drops object* Me: "You have met with disaster."
4. I dislike Kindle. I refuse to conform. I will hold the book, I will smell the book, I will read the book, I will get lost in the book, I will cry over the book, I will put the book in my bag; I refuse to entertain the notion of a book in digital format... o.O (though my entire view on this notion would probably change the minute I held one...)
5. I've decided on the colours for my (God willing) future wedding.
6. I really like Edgar Allan Poe and his style of writing. Annabel Lee is the most romantic poem ever written (at least from what I've read). The Tell-Tale Heart is my second favorite.
7. I've always wanted to meet a Cheshire cat.
   

Now, I'm picking seven bloggers...

Georgianna Penn from Before My Penn Has Gleaned

Jana-Beth from Sunshine, Songbirds, and Blue Skies

Gretchen from A Pocket Peridot

Lexi from Alexis Nicole Photography

 Rachel from DillyBelle Media

Katie from Whisperings of the Pen

Rebekah from Every Day Sunsets

xoxox,

Suzanne